Subject: Redemption of My Eternal Spirit
To: The Goddess of the Universe
The purpose of this memo is to request your approval of my entrance into the blissful afterlife following my relatively imminent Earthly demise.
I have been consulting with a number of experienced and important religious figures. These include the Dalai Lama and [teacher’s name], a teacher at [name of school I attended]. I was warned that I have a karmic imbalance due to my shoplifting of a pack of gum, small time littering (disrespect of Your precious Nature), and forgetting my mother’s birthday a year ago.
It would be very good if you were to forgive these indiscretions and permit my future Eternal existence and/or salvation from Eternal punishment. There are a number of simple reasons for this, including the following:
I understand all that is required for You, O’ Goddess, is to fill out a copy of Form 1022T with my name and life force disposition record number (same as my Social Security number) and route it to the human resources director of Project 11. You will find a list of the expected references attached to this email in RTF format. As soon as the director receives the form, she will set a "go" flag on my record in the Project 11 central database.
If you have any questions, well, I’m sure you can find me absolutely anywhere or anytime.
Expect to hear from me next Monday afternoon, September 13, via a standard ritualistic praise operation.
[signed: My Name]
Earth Human
[written 9-8-99]